The Muse…

Top Ten Songs that should have never been covered…but were.

I recently had to review the new Miley Cyrus album, Can’t Be Tamed. It was always going to be a cringe-worthy affair but I was prepared to lay my revulsion aside and give it the fair and decent review it deserved. That was until I heard her cover of Poison’s Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Now Ms Cyrus is renown for destroying songs (See her version of Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Want To Have Fun for example).

Not only did her version of Every Rose send a shudder down my spine, it also got me thinking.

There is no other form of flattery for a musician quite like another well-known (or in some cases not-so-well-known) musician covering their tunes.

You name an artist of today and yesterday and they have probably paid tribute to their own favourite musician- whether it’s been through a tribute album, a live ‘cover’ or a ‘cover’ they’ve released on their own album.

Hell, some musicians such as Michael Buble, Westlife and Jamie Cullum even make successful careers out of covering other musicians.

However, sometimes those forms of flattery end up being anything but. Instead those songs covered make all want to cringe in horror. The following are a list of songs that should never have been covered and unfortunately were:

01. American Pie.

Originally a hit song for Don McLean, Madonna took it upon herself to cover it in 2000 as a single for her film The Next Best Thing.

Although Madonna is, without a doubt, one of the greatest pop artists of all time, even her attempt to redo ‘American Pie’ was doomed to fail from the beginning.

Cringe-worthy at the least, she managed to turn a one of the greatest hits of all times into crap. The biggest problem I have with this is that it not only sounds badly out of tune, but Madonna fails to reach the important chords. The song was also culled in length, and switched from folk-rock to dance-pop, which completely destroys the song’s whole message.

In reality, Madonna should have changed the lyrics from ‘The day the music died’ to ‘The day she killed American Pie’.

02. These Boots Are Made For Walkin’

In 2005 two very, very bad things happened. They released the film version of the Dukes of Hazzard and Jessica Simpson took on These Boots Are Made For Walkin.

A hit for Nancy Sinatra, this is a song that has always been dear to my heart. For me it represents a song about a cheating boyfriend, independence, strength and power.

In one fell swoop, Jessica Simpson almost managed to undo everything that Nancy Sinatra sung about. While her version was updated to incorporate her role as Daisy Duke, and became one of her biggest hits, it pretty much undid everything that the song represented.

Simpson’s breathy vocals, and lyrics (oddly enough written by her) make the song sound risqué, and throw in an equally bad videoclip that shows Simpson in a skimpy bikini, and grinding wet against the General Lee.

From start to finish, the song’s ideals are completely stripped away to be about her showing off her rack, and oozing of sex.

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica…God forbid if you shall ever destroy another classic.

03. Faith

In 1997, Nu Metal band, Limp Bizkit took it upon themselves to cover George Michael’s classic, ‘Faith’.

While it may have been a number one hit for George Michael, and kicked off the beginning of a very successful solo career, it was a bad move by Limp Bizkit.

Appearing on Limp Bizkit’s ‘Three Dollar Bill Y’All’, the first few lines start well. You almost have yourself believing that maybe, just maybe, Fred Durst will not destroy this song. But that’s wishful thinking.

The song becomes into a scream-fest, as Durst manages to rain havoc on ‘Faith’ pretty much in the same way he destroyed The Who’s ‘Behind Blue Eyes.

Here’s hoping that Fred Durst sticks to singing his own stuff, and doesn’t destroy anymore classics. But that’s about as likely as Jessica Simpson not releasing another cover.

04. Leader of The Pack-Twisted Sister

Let me guess you’re thinking right about now…oh no they didn’t! Oh yes they did, and very badly. Twisted Sister had this ingenious idea to cover The Shangri- Las. Now Dee Snider and the boys are comical at the best of times, but they’re downright hilarious on this cover.

I have to confess it’s so bad that I have it on my I-pod simply because it’s pick-me-up music when I really need to laugh.

Why is it so bad? Apart from the fact it’s Twisted Sister covering it? Actually perhaps the song wouldn’t have been so bad if it was just Dee Snider singing it without the rest of Twisted Sister singing backup. Unfortunately they didn’t think of it and it resulted in one of the worst covers I have ever heard.

If you haven’t heard it, you need to have a listen. It’s pretty much explains itself.

05. We Will Rock You

There are actually two bands that covered this, and shouldn’t have. First up is 80’s hair band Warrant. I grew up on their music and still love their album Cherry Pie, but come on- trying to do Freddie Mercury? I don’t think so, Jani Lane.

But hell, even that version is better than that by, boyband wanna-be’s, 5ive. If 5ive thought by using Queen members that this would become a great cover, then they were dead wrong. The only thing that makes this actually bearable is that the musically is essentially an updated of version. What makes it unbearable is the singing. Freddie Mercury had to wondering what the hell Queen was thinking when they allowed this brilliant song to be trashed.

But then it could have been worse. They could have covered Bohemian Rhapsody.

06. Sweet Child o Mine

I’m a big fan of Sheryl Crow, and consider her a talented artist. But seriously what was she thinking doing a folk/country version of Guns n Roses ‘Sweet Child O Mine’. Although you have to admit her voice is lush, and soothing compared to Axl’s whiny voice, that doesn’t change the fact that Crow absolutely destroys this song. What was once a ballsy ballad is turned into a limp, pathetic excuse for a song.

07. I Love Rock n Roll

Britney covering Joan Jett. Oh dear. It was bad enough when she covered The Stones classic ‘Satisfaction’ but then she had to go and cover this version.

No matter how many times I hear this song, it just does no justice to the original. Sure, I can tolerate and sometimes even find myself singing along…but it should never have happened. And to make it worse she didn’t just release one version of it but also a Karaeoke version.

Although in fairness to Brits, she did state that was attempting to make her version more like The Arrows and not Joan Jett’s version. But, it was Joan Jett’s cover that is cemented in most of music lover’s minds

08. Stairway To Heaven

Considered one of the greatest songs of all time, this has been covered a handful of times and each time it’s been a failure. None more a failure than by Rolf Harris and Dolly Parton.

We’ll start with Rolf Harris first. Although it’s without a doubt one of the worst covers that has ever been inflicted upon us, it still managed to be a hit for Rolf in the U.K.

I’m not sure whether it made it to #1 because Brits actually did like it or because they either have a great sense of humor and absolutely no taste. Whatever, the reason, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a bloody awful version. I can’t even begin to state the many things wrong with this version, except that it should never have happened.

The second is Dolly Parton’s version. Now it’s hard for me to say anything bad about Ms Parton. She is one talented woman, and a pioneer in country music. However, she should never have tried to take on Led Zep. And turning this kick-ass rock song into bluegrass? She was never going to do this song justice, and should have never tried.

09. Walk This Way

The Sugarbabes teamed up with Girls Aloud to cover Aerosmith’s ‘Walk This Way’. The first thing that comes to mind: What the hell were they thinking? The second: Have they HEARD the lyrics? It’s not exactly the sort of song you would expect two girl bands to sing, or even girls singing.

There are so many different reasons as to why these two bands doing Aerosmith is just so wrong.

10. Shook Me All Night Long

I’m still trying to decide whether Celine Dion’s version of this song is worse than Shania Twain’s cover of it. Either way both Shania Twain and Celine Dion manage to take one of my favourite AC/DC songs and rip the balls off it.

And changing the lyrics to ‘He was a fast machine” and ‘His American thighs”….could it have got any worse.

It’s enough to make you vomit.

I’m sure there are plenty more that could, would and should come to mind, but these are my top ten.

Got any you can think of?

Tags: The Muse Speaks, The Top Ten